The Faces of Isolation

Dear Readers,

For my criminal procedure class, I was required to do some community observations around Madison. One particular observation was very moving for me. I decided to share my observation report here with you. I hope that these words may change or enhance your perspective of an important population in our communities.  

Dane County Jail Tour
Wednesday, April 5\13, 2016, 6:30-9:00PM

Before the Tour

I was unsure of what to expect from this experience. It is all too easy to be so wound-up in my own studies that I miss the realities that impact many people in our community. I was rather indifferent when I first stepped into the jail. Beyond apathy, I was also a little nervous. I did not know what to expect. As I have written in this reflection, my views changed very quickly throughout this tour.

The Tour

We started the tour in a conference room where the sheriff and jail manager introduced themselves. They have both been working at the jail for many years (decades I believe) and had a lot to say about the poor conditions of the buildings. They explained that it is very difficult politically to get funding for improved jail conditions.

After the introduction, we went to the older jail building. I believe the sheriff said its last renovations were in the 1950s for part and the 1980s for another part. The jail manager explained that there are many constructional issues with the building itself.

I will never forget the looks on the faces of the inmates I saw during this tour. Many were in isolation for 23 hours of the day, with only one hour allowed outside of their small sleeping areas. There were small windows into their sleeping areas, and most of the inmates stood at the windows to watch us during the tour. I can still hear one man yelling at us, saying, “Don’t ever do something that would get you on this side of the door.” He sounded so desperate to share with us how much he hated the isolation and how much he regretted his actions.  

As someone very interested in education law, I was interested in seeing the classroom in the jail. It was hardly a classroom. It was the size of a storage closet. The technology was old, and there were messy papers everywhere. Still, it was full of something hopeful, something different than the other parts of this building. There were pictures of graduates in their caps and gowns, graduating in the jail. The teachers that work there try very hard to get the cap and gown color from their previous high schools. The teachers are adamant about providing education to obtain high school diplomas, because diplomas are so much more helpful than GEDs or other degrees for the future.

When we toured a less restricted part of this building, I noticed that many of the inmates were working around the jail. They did laundry, helped with food service, and cleaned. One of the inmates asked to pet Renee. I hesitated, but said, “Yes,” even though Renee had her harness on. I am so glad I did. The woman knelt down and wrapped her arms around Renee, explaining that she could not even remember the last time she got to pet a dog. This was a touching moment. The sheriff had described the dog-training program that sometimes takes place in the jail. I hope this woman can participate in that program in the future!

Tour Wrap-up

We finished the tour in the newer building. It was better, but it was still rough. The inmates had bunks all in one big room. They did everything in that room. It was loud and sort of a controlled chaos situation. The jail manager mentioned that this was especially tough for people with mental health issues. She said that most people with mental health problems were put in isolation to get them out of the noise. She said there are not enough resources for mental health interventions at the jail. This broke my heart.

I appreciated that they had a gym in this building. It was small, but I could imagine the inmates enjoying the recreation. I am a firm believer that movement is a powerful weapon against violence, mental health issues, and other problems that we all face. The jail manager said the inmates do not get much time in the gym though, because there are not enough people to supervise it.

Reflections

This tour was optional. I could have done something else, like a police ride-along. However, I believe this should be required for all 1L students. At risk of sounding cheesy, I will say that this tour truly changed my life.

I have never wanted to go into criminal law work. I still do not see my skills lining up with those that are necessary or best for criminal law practice. However, this tour changed the way I think about humanity. This is where I will flag that I am about to add some faith perspective to my reflections. Although I know it can be frowned upon in law and politics, I think it is necessary to share my views and how they changed during this tour.

I grew up as a person of faith. I grew up in a strong Christian family. I have known my entire life that Romans 8:38-39 is true, that there is nothing that can separate a believer from God’s love. I have always known that no sin, nothing you do or that is done to you can ever change that. There is nothing more powerful than that. Still, I subconsciously labeled “criminals” in my heart and mind. We do this in our society. We have learned that certain people who do certain things are “bad” or “scary” or “wrong.” But who are we to judge that? Who am I to say that any of those inmates deserves anything less than I do, just because we made different life choices? We all make mistakes and poor choices. That’s the total depravity of humanity. Why did I ever think that these people were any different from me?

I found myself crying when I returned home after this tour. I am not a frequent crier. But I found myself contemplating the reality that these inmates represent “the least of these” as explained in the Bible. I have used this “least of these” language when referring to individuals who experience discrimination in schools, employment, and housing. But I never thought about these inmates as the least of these as well. Think about it. These are the individuals who have found it necessary to steal, do drugs, kill, rape, or some other negative action. But I am positive that for most of them, these decisions were made based on life experiences. Were they uneducated? Were they in a crime culture at home or school? Did they feel neglected by parents? Teachers? Principals? Did they feel wronged by society in some way?

We lash out at certain responses to these depravities in our society, yet we do very little to solve the issues. Instead, we lock people up. We limit mental health services, health care, education, employment, and socialization of the people in our communities who need these things the most. Now, I am not saying that jail or prison is not necessary. Sometimes part of the process should require separation from society for the safety of everyone. But most of the time, I do not believe that is the case.

I have changed my perspective of the criminal justice system. Instead of a punishment culture that our society has quickly embraced, I think jail should be viewed as a healing mechanism. There has been some wrong that was so wrong it could not be made right in the minds of these individuals, so they chose to do something we see as bad for society. We need to focus on these individuals. These are our kids, parents, and friends. We need to focus on healing in a way that allows for restorative justice and full inclusion in the community during and after the healing.

I think this should be considered case by case. There should be psychological evaluations, mental health follow up, social work care, art therapy, music therapy, physical education, and many other tools used to intervene. There is nothing that makes these individuals less deserving of care or community than any of us on the other side of the bars. We all deserve these things. I simply cannot believe I have lived so much of my life thinking differently. I am grateful that I was able to experience this early on in my professional career. I hope others have experienced similar things. Perhaps we will be the generation to start this healing process.

Best,
Sara 

Assumptions and Community

Dear Readers,

I haven't written in a while. I'm one of those people who doesn't want to add ideas that are already shared by others. I like to bring new conversations into the mix. It takes specific situations to cause me to write.

A couple weeks ago I was in orientation for my summer job. I experienced an awkward situation that challenged me to think about how others think of people with disabilities. A large group of staff members were sitting at a table for breakfast. It was one of the first days, so everyone was getting to know each other. One person at the table started asking each individual at the table what book they are reading. Everyone described recent reads and how much they liked or disliked them. The person leading the conversation asked every other person at the table about reading, except for me.

Most people at the table probably thought nothing of the situation. I, however, felt terrible. I felt excluded. I don't always feel the need to insert my thoughts into every conversation. I didn't feel bad because others didn't get to hear about the books I'm reading. I felt bad that people assumed I had nothing to talk about.

Assumptions can be dangerous. They may seem insignificant in little conversations like this. But even the smallest conversation can make someone feel a part of something or like an outsider. Although I have found other ways to gel with the others I work with, this first experience with them was very challenging for me. It affirmed one of my greatest concerns in life, that of being different. Don't get me wrong. Different is good! But this concern is that of being so different that it's hard for others to relate to me. It's a feeling that is so common in the disability community. It's a concern that isn't necessarily true but that still separates people from one another.

Don't assume that a person who is blind can't read, that a person who is deaf doesn't listen to music, or that a person with an intellectual disability doesn't love to learn. For what it's worth, I love to listen to audiobooks and also read large print on my Kindle. I would have loved to share in conversation with others about reading not so that they could hear my voice but so that we could be in community together.

Something to think about!
Sara

Seeing Through Different Eyes

Dear Readers,

Life through my eyes is about to change drastically in the coming weeks! I will have a new set of eyes watching out for me. On Monday, February 2, I will be traveling to The Seeing Eye in New Jersey for a 3.5 week training with my new seeing eye dog!

Many people have asked me about my thoughts on dog guides after having a dog from a different dog guide school about five years ago. As many people know, the dog I received at this other school was not a good match for me. She cried through my college classes and preferred chasing squirrels to guiding me. After seven months of working, she was "career changed" and sent back to her puppy raisers to be their pet.

At the time, this experience was heartbreaking. I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt anymore. I did not receive appropriate and timely help from the school's trainers. I also loved my dog, Sandy, very much. Still, I was in a good place in life where I didn't necessarily need a dog guide all of the time. I was living near my college campus and had become extremely independent in traveling.

For many years, I thought I didn't need a dog guide. I have excellent navigation skills and am able to travel in both new and familiar places. I even lived in Chicago for a few months as am intern and freely used the L and other transit with no assistance from others.

So what changed? Why did I decide to apply to Seeing Eye? A few key things took place.

First, I have been encouraged ever since I lost Sandy that I should reapply. I have many friends on the blindness community who benefit each day from these four-legged companions. My friends have commented on how well I traveled when I had Sandy and how much more confident I would be with a new guide. Still, I didn't think I needed the confidence boost until this past summer.

The second situation is that I will be attending law school starting in September. While I am still deciding where to attend, I know that I will be in either a large or medium sized city. I will have many new places to go where I must maintain as much if not more professionalism than my fully sighted peers in order to prove myself as a successful law student and future lawyer.

The third and final push towards getting a new dog happened on June 5, 2014. I was walking home from campus just as I did every day after work in the summer. I waited at the intersection, one where I could actually see the pedestrian light. I began to walk when the walk signal turned on and was hit by a car turning right on red. The woman was not paying attention and did not look for pedestrians before accelerating.

At first I was angry. I wasn't so much mad at the woman as I was at the situation itself. I couldn't be too angry at her, because how many times have I missed something because I wasn't paying attention in life? That said I've never zoned out when driving a car... OK I've never driven a car! But I was so upset at the fact that I did everything right and still got hurt. I was mad that as a lifelong pedestrian I couldn't feel safe crossing a street. And I was mad that I felt I might need to use my white cane more often just to alert drivers who can't pay attention.

I'm all for using a white cane when needed. I have many friends who benefit from them. For me, however, my cane often causes so much confusion that it hardly helps. I do not appear to be visually impaired. I cannot tell you how many times people have seen me using a cane and became angry at me for faking blindness.

As a quick side note, THAT'S RIDICULOUS! Yes, I'm faking being blind...I'm not ever driving a car or playing sports just so I can get large print tests and be first in line on rides at Disney. Yep, that was my plan all along...But in all seriousness, this is a huge issue in our society. We think of blind or sighted, deaf or hearing, intellectually impaired or perfectly normal brained. We struggle to see the in between that impacts so many people. I'll have to blog more about this issue later but thought I'd throw it out there.

Anyway, as I said, using a white cane doesn't fit my needs very well. Still, through these experiences, I realized that I do have a need for a dog. I need safety. I can be Miss Independent all I want, but if someone doesn't watch where they're going while driving, my mobility skills no longer matter.

I cannot wait to confidently travel with my new dog. I am excited to see all of the many journeys we will go on together. Stay tuned for more!

Sjc

Technology Made the Difference

Dear Readers,

I have wanted to write about this experience for a while, but I chose to wait. I recently overcame a surprising challenge. This time, I had a little help.

All education majors in the state must take various MTTCs, Michigan tests for teacher certification. I took the basic skills test a few years ago upon acceptance into my college's education program. I also took the elementary education exam just over a year ago. I passed these with high scores. I did have accommodations such as large print and an alternative answer sheet that was easier for me to read. I also had extended time, as it takes me longer to read.

As I approached graduation this December, I knew I needed to take three additional certification tests for cognitive impairment, math education, and integrated science education. Although I do not plan to teach after graduation, I wanted to take these tests while the information was fresh in my brain.

I paid my $200 and got ready for the test. I did not study, but I felt well prepared from Calvin's amazing faculty. Still, I wasn't prepared for the difficulties that awaited me. Before my biggest challenge, I had to overcome transportation issues to get to the test. I had decided to register to test in Kalamazoo, as there are many trains between Chicago (where I'm living) and Kalamazoo each day. I planned to stay with a friend who lives there.

A couple days before the test, I realized that the bus route from my friend's house would not get me to the test on time. After panicking a bit, I booked a hotel about three miles from my testing site.  I knew that I would be able to take the bus from this location.

Then, the night before the test, I realized that I would not be receiving accommodations on any of these exams. Apparently students with disabilities must reapply for accommodations if a year has passed between exams. I really just wanted to scream and say, "Hello! Still blind here!" but I was too busy trying to figure out what to do.

I'll be the first to admit that I completely freaked out. Do you want to know the last time I took an exam using a standard answer sheet with the pesky little circles to fill in? I don't remember the exact year, but I believe it was second or third grade. I failed a standardized test because I completely botched the answer sheet, unable to see the tiny circles.

This realization was just the start. I wondered how I would read regular sized print for 300 exam questions with no extended time. I wondered how my eyes would react. Frankly, I wondered if I could read the test at all.

Before I went to bed that night, I had to change my own mind. I had to just go with it. Refunds were unavailable. I decided that the worst thing that could happen would be that I would fail like I did in elementary school by messing up the answer sheet. I decided to try.

Many things have changed for me since that day in elementary. One of the most drastic changes has been technology. When I was in elementary school, I rarely used any type of reading glasses, because the magnification available did not help me very much. By the end of elementary, I had 8x reading glasses, a fairly new type of lens that allowed me to read as small as 12 or 14 point font.

During my most recent exams, I used 16x reading glasses. These new layered lenses allow me to see newspaper sized print. I knew this going into the test. However, I also knew that using magnification reduces my visual field, slowing me down. I'm naturally a slower reader with my tunnel vision, so I feared that I would not finish the tests. In addition, I was taking one test in the morning session and two tests in the afternoon. This meant that the two tests in the afternoon would need to be completed within the amount of time that most students take for just one test.

Then there was the answer sheet. While my glasses are strong, they cannot help with contrast. Red, for instance, is incredibly difficult for me to see. What color were those pesky little circles on my answer sheets? You guessed it, red.

I sat in a high school classroom mainly with students who had failed their tests before and were retaking them. I was so determined that I would not have to retake a single test if I could help it. I just went with it. I ended up spending about 8.5 hours that day testing. My eyes have never been so tired! With only one eye that works, my poor body was ready to crash. I felt like I had been forced to stay up for days to just read. Everything was blurry and a strain to see as I left the testing site. Of course when I finished, I realized that I had missed the bus back to my hotel by about three minutes. I was grateful that I booked a hotel only three miles away and not further. It was a nice evening for a walk anyway.

I received my score report today. I was a bit apprehensive to open it. Although I don't need certification, succeeding in academics has always been important to me.

I passed all three tests! I am thrilled to overcome this challenge. Technology has the potential to change lives. It can allow people like me to show our true skills rather than just our struggles. I simply cannot wait to see how new technological advancements will improve our world. Perhaps what today we call disability will look more and more like ability with future creative designs.

Sjc

Taking Chances

Dear Readers, 

Lately I have been thinking a lot about taking chances. We take chances every day. A chance might be taken when applying for a job or a school. Someone might take a chance when reaching out to someone they care about. Others might take a chance when competing for an award. 

As someone who believes that the so-called chances are actually orchestrated into a plan for our lives, I have been thinking about what it means to reach out and try. As many of you know, I have decided to take my education in a different direction. As I have become increasingly interested in advocacy and policy issues, I have decided to apply to law school. This is a huge chance to take. Am I smart enough? Am I strong enough? Do I have enough money? Do I fit the lawyer personality? Can I do this?

Questions and chances must go together. But I am more interested in how all of these questions and chances that we have all fit together as pieces of getting us to where we are supposed to go. I think about my own life. I can recall thinking about law school as a junior in high school. At the time and in the times following, I felt that I was not smart enough and that I didn't have the right personality to do this. Many people discouraged this as a career goal and I listened. But it has been increasingly there on my heart and mind as I consider future careers. Then I think about the journey of getting from that junior in high school who was too scared to commit to being a lawyer or going to law school to now as I study for the LSAT. What has changed?

The thing that has changed is that I have taken chances. I have decided to go out on limbs further than I ever thought I would. But these chances were not all of my own. Chances for me are about faith. Chances are about hearing a whisper and then going for it. I have been blessed with a persistent and determined attitude that pushes me toward finding where I am supposed to be.

I have declined chances and opportunities many times when thinking about law school. I have constantly come up with excuses like not being smart enough, not reading well enough, or not being good enough for this. But God has proved me wrong every time. He has shown me my intellectual abilities, technologies to make reading more efficient, and a passion for serving people with disabilities that overrides all fears. 

I would never have planned this for myself. I would have never believed myself to be smart or talented enough to go to law school. On my own, I would have listened to all of the people who discouraged this journey from the start. But instead, I listened to my calling. My calling is to take chances every day.

I take little chances all the time. I take a chance every day when I rely on transportation from the city or the transportation for people with disabilities. I take a chance that I will actually get to where I need to go on time. I take a chance of the bus won't be broken down. I take a chance that the driver will be able to find me. I take a chance that I can actually locate the bus stop.

Then I take chances wherever I'm going. I take a chance that I will be able to physically see my students faces as a substitute teach. I take a chance that I will be able to physically read the LSAT test and be able to understand it when given accommodations. I take a chance that I will be able to make a difference with this new journey. I take a chance that I am truly following my calling.

But chances are not taken without wisdom. They can't be. Someone just taking a chance without any reason is worthless. Chances must be guided. Chances are stepping out and believing that what you're doing is right.

Many people's chances aren't like mine. Many people don't have to wonder about bus stops or reading things. Most people don't have to worry about taking big tests or going to law school. But chances are still important. Will you take a chance? Take a chance to reach a goal. Take a chance to try something new. Take a chance to go to school or change careers. Take a chance at love. Take a chance of forgiveness. Take a chance of reaching out. Take a chance at finding something new. Just do all of these things with wisdom and grace. 

This idea of taking chances has led me in my prayers about law school. I have wondered a lot about the finances of law school. I am blessed to end my undergraduate studies with little to no debt. This is not typical. I want to be wise as I think about entering law school. I certainly do not want to be in debt. But at the same time, I have felt my thoughts guided to think about providence. 

I have been praying about the finances of law school for a very long time. I am a very practical person. But sometimes this practical nature, although often very useful, can be limiting. Sometimes us practical people miss out on opportunities. We miss out on opportunities to take chances we are meant to take. God has been teaching me a lot about taking chances lately. He has showed me healing in taking chances to reach out to people who have hurt me. At the same time, he has told me a lot about taking chances when I rest in him.

I have had my eyes opened to many discussions in church and community about people who have taken chances while knowing that God was guiding them. My ears have been tuned to hear stories where people have been asked to go and then God provided. Day after day I have been focused on messages of missionaries, pastors, teachers, and other ordinary people who have been called to go somewhere before receiving money to make their journey successful. I have wondered for a long time, why doesn't he just provide from the start? Why do we often have to go in faith before receiving the things we need? 

God has taken a chance on me. He takes a chance that I will serve him. He takes a chance that I will trust him. He takes a chance that I will do the right thing. Yes, he knows what I will do before I do it, but he still takes a chance on me. See if chance is faith, then God has faith in me. He has chosen me to be someone to take chances for him every day.

When I have this perspective, it makes the choices of law school seem very small. It makes the choices and chances of serving other people seem tiny in God's plan. But small is not insignificant. God uses all of these little chances that we take every day for his glory. He uses all the decisions in faith that we make to work as part of his plan. In me, he is working to give confidence in taking chances every day. He asks me every day to take a chance in him. I take a chance, using faith, that he will guide me in a path that will be meaningful for myself, for others, and most of all for his purposes.

God has faith in us, that we will take a chance on him. He hopes that we will trust his plans. There are plans for healing and grace so far beyond what we can ever imagine. These plans use struggles that hurt deeply to make this grace even sweeter. 

God has been challenging me to be persistent in restoring broken relationships in my life. There have been many difficult situations of confusion and pain. But as the knower and creator of the big picture, these pieces are part of God's plan when we trust him to use them for His glory. While I so often want to design the process of healing in God's plan, he also challenges me to have faith in his timing and design. Only his ways will bring the most peace. 

The things that God has taught me for law school have been shaped by other lessons I have learned. As I trust Him to restore broken areas of my life, I also trust him to provide financially, intellectually, and passionately. I expect only the best and most present help from him as I enter new places in school and career. I trust him to give me the skills I need for success. I trust him to bless the people I work with and advocate for each day. Most of all, i trust him to use me as an instrument of peace in this amazing field of advocacy. 

Take a chance. You never know where it will lead you.

Sing as One,

SJC 

Only for People Like You

Dear Readers,

I had an interesting experience with the city bus a month or so ago and wanted to share it. As most of you know, Michigan can get rather snowy this time of year. With snow plows clearing the roadss, many sidewalks have four or more feet of snow piled on them. 

I was climbing over a rather hefty snow pile to wait for the city bus a while back. The stops are rarely plowed. When I stepped onto the bus, the driver told me that I should call the bus station to have them plow the stop. She saw my disability bus pass, which allows me to ride for free, and said, "If they know you have that kiind of card, they'll plow it for you." 

I found myself sitting on the bus with a frown on my face. I should be grateful that a simple piece of plastic could help give me access to something like a snowless bus stop. Instead, I find myself questioning this principle. Why should I as someone with a disability have a service done for me soley because of my disability, when that service would greatly benefit other people? Should non-disabled people have to risk falling on icy slopes to get onto a bus? 

I got to thinking about some of the decisions we make. We certainly need to prioritize things, because we cannot do absolutely everything. Perhaps for my city, plowing sidewalks is not a priority. Still, when we think about providing access for people who have "disabilities" we can actually provide better access for all people. We need to rethink what access looks like with this perspective. We can serve all people when we make decisions that include all people. 

Sing as one,

sjc 

Paving the Way

Dear Readers,

I was considering the impacts of the civil rights movements yesterday on MLK Day. Interestingly enough, many parts of the litigation and legislation that acts to desegregate and redistribute access to all people regardless of skin color also includes people with and without disabilities. In other words, when we talk about diversity, this includes disabilities. In fact, I was intrigued by a lecturer I heard yesterday say that people with disabilities actually make up the largest minority group in the world. People with disabilities make up the largest number of people who are marginalized, victimized, and segregated in our society. 

The problem is that much like race, disability is culturally cultivated and constructed. In some countries, people with disabilities are banished to the countryside or locked up in institutions. In our country, they are often excluded from  access to life. What's the difference? What's the difference between America and other counties? Some might argue that people with disabilities still have more opportunities and protection in America, and that's likely to be true. However, I think the biggest difference is simply in the person's ability to see what access looks like. When we banish or separate people in other countries, they might not even be aware of another life offered for others in the cities. But in America, we keep the American dream full of access ever visible but nevertheless just out of reach to many people with disabilities. So while one might argue that America is better for people with disabilities, we clearly have a long way to go. 

Still, I think the most interesting piece of the connection between civil rights and disability rights is that when we help others struggling in one area , we can make life better for all people. We don't have to worry about the massive calling to make disciples of every nation all on our own. We don't need to fix all injustice by ourselves. We can make impacts wherever we are, knowing that whoever we help, we are likely to indirectly serve others. 

What will you do to pave a way for justice in the lives of others today? 

Start singing as one, 

SJC